Perceptions of sleep and whirlwinds

I wonder how much sleep we actually need? Sometimes I think I might be talking myself into being tired because I perceive it as how I SHOULD be feeling following a night or more of broken sleep.

Perhaps it's a false memory but I don't recall being so frustrated with it when Ben was a small baby. I think maybe I accepted it more because I saw it as being more acceptable. Now he's 18 months old and I'm going through a very difficult spell with his behaviour and his sleeping. He is demanding (I wouldn't have called him that as a baby, would I?). He gets so angry and frustrated when he things aren't going precisely the way he wants them to. He screams shrilly with a temper as mighty and unalterable as the ocean. He clings to my legs if I'm standing and climbs all over me if I'm sitting down. He's difficult to get to sleep in the evenings and has started waking a lot at night again. He's never "slept through" but I'd started getting a good few hours uninterrupted.

I know a lot of people would say I've 'spoiled' him (which is a ridiculous term!). His Daddy included, probably. I get the impression he thinks he's old enough to…you know, I'm not even sure. I'm just not sure how to handle it in a way that is fair to all of us. I don't want to be permissive with behaviour that is clearly unacceptable (and some of it certainly is) but I don't want to deny him his needs and comforts either.

Part of it is probably me being stubborn. I think I'm unwilling to accept this apparent regression in behaviour from him. I've enjoyed having my bed baby free for a couple of months while still getting the benefit of cuddles from about 5am onwards. So I get angry and withdraw from him when he's awake at 2am and nothing will settle him; when he's fighting sleep and will jump up from apparent slumber and want to play peek-a-boo in his cupboard when I try to extricate myself from him and return to my own bed. When he screams with anger until he is blue in the face when I decide I need to go to the bathroom before attending his needs.

How do you help an 18 month old to display emotions in an acceptable manner? Should I be trying? He's such an intense little whirlwind. He's bright and entertaining and wonderfully cheeky. He has a throaty little chuckle that you can't help but join in with. He's adventurous and physical. He loves to emulate his brothers. He loves to have me all to himself. He can understand very complex directions and while his speech is coming along wonderfully - he can say far more than his brothers could even a year down the line - it certainly doesn't match his ability to comprehend what is being said to him. I wonder if his outbursts are in part frustration from being unable to make himself adequately understood?

I think I need to take a step back, to reconnect with him a little more so I can understand where he is coming from. And to stop treating him like an adversary.