For my Grandma, who died on 27th December 2008.
For my Grandma, who was quiet, kind and patient. Who rarely, if ever that I recall, raised her voice or uttered a cross word.
Who was the most amazing cook. I know nearly everyone thinks this about their Grandparents but it's true. Every Saturday tea time for many many years. Delicious soups and stews with countless loaves of milk roll for dipping. Braising steak that I don't think I'll ever be able to emulate. Chocolate pudding and custard. Apple and rhubarb pie. Bakewell tart. Jam tarts. Flavours and smells that will forever evoke memories of safe, lazy Saturday evenings and full tummies, sitting in front of the fire playing knock-out whist and draughts and watching the football results come in.
Who always had a 'Grandma bag' ready for us to take home on a Saturday evening, full of treats and goodies for the week ahead.
Who knitted cardigans for us as babies and jumpers for us as children, especially the beloved dinosaur jumpers. Mine was stone coloured with a yellow long necked dinosaur. I remember it fondly and wish I still had it.
Who made perfect sized baby clothes for all my dolls.
Who was always reading and regularly picked up second hand books for me. The shelves in my bedroom were full of old copies of Famous Five, Secret Seven and Five Find-Outers books with 25p stickers on them.
Who sat in the sun room with us when it was raining and had 'raindrop races' down the windows.
I regret how little I have seen of all my Grandparents this year. It's sad to see them becoming people I don't know; people that they would not recognise as themselves.
After a difficult couple of years I very much hope she is at peace.
Tuesday 30 December 2008
Friday 5 December 2008
Threefold
Today is not a good day.
It's been a very slow week. I've had nothing to do at work and I've been feeling rather fed up for a variety of reasons that I don't have the energy to go in to.
Today though...
I fell asleep on the train sometime between the last 3 stops and woke up just as the train was pulling out of Belfast central. I ended up standing in Sydenham in the freezing cold and rain waiting for a train back to my stop. I was over an hour late for work. Thank God for flexi time. Though I resent having to work late tonight because of it.
Then Ryan text me about 45 minutes after I arrived saying 'Phone me now'.
Well that was enough to scare the crap out of me. What was wrong? Had something happened to one of the children? Was there a financial problem? What could be so urgent?
It turned out he woke up this morning (it's his day off) and had a large and unusual swelling/lump on his leg. He also feels very breathless and tired. I told him to ring the Drs as those are very weird symptoms that I feel ought to be checked out. They wont' see him til 4.20pm and now I've scared myself with thoughts of DVT and aneurysms. I want him to go to the hospital just in case.
And typically, in my state of stress, I have lots of work coming my way for the first time ALL week. I mean literally I've had nothing to do until now. Why? It's like a phenomenal cosmic joke. I don't even know how to do half of the stuff that is requested of me.
I'm feeling VERY on edge.
At least Ben is better...
It's been a very slow week. I've had nothing to do at work and I've been feeling rather fed up for a variety of reasons that I don't have the energy to go in to.
Today though...
I fell asleep on the train sometime between the last 3 stops and woke up just as the train was pulling out of Belfast central. I ended up standing in Sydenham in the freezing cold and rain waiting for a train back to my stop. I was over an hour late for work. Thank God for flexi time. Though I resent having to work late tonight because of it.
Then Ryan text me about 45 minutes after I arrived saying 'Phone me now'.
Well that was enough to scare the crap out of me. What was wrong? Had something happened to one of the children? Was there a financial problem? What could be so urgent?
It turned out he woke up this morning (it's his day off) and had a large and unusual swelling/lump on his leg. He also feels very breathless and tired. I told him to ring the Drs as those are very weird symptoms that I feel ought to be checked out. They wont' see him til 4.20pm and now I've scared myself with thoughts of DVT and aneurysms. I want him to go to the hospital just in case.
And typically, in my state of stress, I have lots of work coming my way for the first time ALL week. I mean literally I've had nothing to do until now. Why? It's like a phenomenal cosmic joke. I don't even know how to do half of the stuff that is requested of me.
I'm feeling VERY on edge.
At least Ben is better...
Tuesday 2 December 2008
Illness and sleep
Ben has been poorly for about a week now and I am thoroughly exhausted. With the exception of the post-birth fiasco we had with the hospital he has never been ill before. It's been quite unnerving actually.
It started last Tuesday. He was fine - and very chirpy in fact - before bed but he woke me up squirming and thrashing at about 1.30am. He had a raging temperature and after an hour of trying to get him to accept milk and cuddles as a means of getting back to sleep I had to get up with him. We spent the night pacing up and down the living room. I stuck a Friends dvd on and eventually we both dozed lightly on the sofa under a cellular blanket.
Wednesday and Thursday were much the same and I took both days off work. He wouldn't let me put him down and refused all food and liquid with the exception of Mummy milk (again, totally unheard of. He's normally a ravenous little monster when it comes to food). I went back to work on Friday as he seemed ok but he relapsed into fever again on Friday night and I spent another night pacing and sofa dozing.
His temperature has been back to normal since Sunday but he's got a hoarse little voice and a rotten throaty cough if that makes sense. He doesn't like to lie flat as often it leads to a little choking episode. My poor little sausage.
However I'm feeling a little under the weather myself now having had almost a week of very limited sleep and the cough/lost voice element that Benjamin has kindly passed on. Unfortunately last night was another where he didn't sleep until 3.30am. I was as patient as could be until about 2am when i snapped and hissed 'Stop it! For the love of God stop it!'. Which just made him cry of course.
I feel bad for taking my frustration out on him. He'd spent ages latching on and off and squirming and kicking me and headbutting me and I was tired and had to get up for work at 7am. Sometimes you just don't have the energy to shush and pat and offer constant milk and cuddles. Sometimes patience and understanding is beyond you. Sometimes you just want the easy way out.
We ended up downstairs again until he fell asleep. I put him into his own bed and we snuggled for a while until I retired back to my own. He must have been exhausted as he slept there without a murmur until just after 8.30am this morning. He didn't even wake with the riot that was J and J barging in there when they woke up and playing in his wardrobe!
He's on the mend anyway and hopefully we'll be back to getting a little more sleep soon. Poor J and J have been somewhat deprived of Mummy attention while I've been constantly nursing the little one so I need to make ammends there as well.
But right now I'm tired and I just want to sleep.
It started last Tuesday. He was fine - and very chirpy in fact - before bed but he woke me up squirming and thrashing at about 1.30am. He had a raging temperature and after an hour of trying to get him to accept milk and cuddles as a means of getting back to sleep I had to get up with him. We spent the night pacing up and down the living room. I stuck a Friends dvd on and eventually we both dozed lightly on the sofa under a cellular blanket.
Wednesday and Thursday were much the same and I took both days off work. He wouldn't let me put him down and refused all food and liquid with the exception of Mummy milk (again, totally unheard of. He's normally a ravenous little monster when it comes to food). I went back to work on Friday as he seemed ok but he relapsed into fever again on Friday night and I spent another night pacing and sofa dozing.
His temperature has been back to normal since Sunday but he's got a hoarse little voice and a rotten throaty cough if that makes sense. He doesn't like to lie flat as often it leads to a little choking episode. My poor little sausage.
However I'm feeling a little under the weather myself now having had almost a week of very limited sleep and the cough/lost voice element that Benjamin has kindly passed on. Unfortunately last night was another where he didn't sleep until 3.30am. I was as patient as could be until about 2am when i snapped and hissed 'Stop it! For the love of God stop it!'. Which just made him cry of course.
I feel bad for taking my frustration out on him. He'd spent ages latching on and off and squirming and kicking me and headbutting me and I was tired and had to get up for work at 7am. Sometimes you just don't have the energy to shush and pat and offer constant milk and cuddles. Sometimes patience and understanding is beyond you. Sometimes you just want the easy way out.
We ended up downstairs again until he fell asleep. I put him into his own bed and we snuggled for a while until I retired back to my own. He must have been exhausted as he slept there without a murmur until just after 8.30am this morning. He didn't even wake with the riot that was J and J barging in there when they woke up and playing in his wardrobe!
He's on the mend anyway and hopefully we'll be back to getting a little more sleep soon. Poor J and J have been somewhat deprived of Mummy attention while I've been constantly nursing the little one so I need to make ammends there as well.
But right now I'm tired and I just want to sleep.
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