Hallowe'en!

The boys carved two scary pmpkins and made chunky pumpkin soup while I was at work. The soup was delicious and I forgot to take photos of the pumpkins.

I went to 'Fear and Pizza' with the guys from work for a couple of hours. On the way to the train station I got a firework thrown at me by a group of young boys from the estate across the road from work. Fortunately it missed me - it rebounded off the bridge and shot off towards the multistorey car park. Scared the life out of me though. How can there be so many completely oblivious people in the world?

Jack and Joseph dressed up as little devils. Ben was an adorable bat. They went to a party with their Nanny and probably had far too many sweets. I suppose you have to turn a blind eye occasionally though.

There she goes again.

Tradition though it may be to start long overdue blog posts with the earnest promise to try harder, be more dedicated to the cause - well I'm not going to do it. But you can read between the lines.

I've been a 'working Mum' for 2 months now and it has been busy. I'm enjoying the job to an extent. It's not where my natural talents lie. It's not where I thought I would be or what I would be doing. But all in all things could be a lot worse.
I feel a bit of a cheat calling myself a 'software developer' because I still have a lot of learning to do. Since joining my team I'm lucky if I know what people are talking about more than 20% of the time!

The boys have adjusted wonderfully and I'm so proud of them. Ben would probably be the one who took it hardest and he is still very clingy with me when I get home. He had his first birthday a couple of weekends ago. We decorated his bedroom with lots of lovely things from IKEA and it looks wonderful. A bit of a waste as he still co-sleeps but I've started putting him in bed for the first couple of hours of the night. He's normally back in with us by midnight though and I'm in no hurry to change it. I think he needs the extra comfort and attention.

Jack and Joseph are as entertaining as ever. I promised them a walk last weekend but it was such horrendous weather I had to put it off. Perhaps it will be bright enough this weekend. The temperature drop has been unreal. I know we're famous for unpredictable weather in this country but it's been quite a change - snow in October? I'm not sure I've ever seen that before.
Anyway on Saturday we made delicious oaty biscuits (which unfortunately caused serious upset with Jack when I would only let him eat one)and made trees out of toilet roll tubes and lots of messy paint. Funny little creatures that they are they actually really hate getting messy and were cleaning their hands every 5 minutes or so!
On Sunday we took them to see the Dinosaur exhibit at W5 in Belfast. Dinosaurs are a big favourite at the moment. Joseph was terrified of the T-rex (or sharp tooth!) but they seemed to enjoy themselves and I only felt a bit out of pocket for spending the £20!

Pay day tomorrow and I can't wait to get ordering some lovely Christmas presents. Aiming for cheap and cheerful this year so I'm making lavender bathsalts for our respective Mums and a black and white canvas print of that photo in the post below (which I LOVE). Can't wait to order the boys little wooden dinosaurs. Ben is getting a pull along frog and some rainbow stacking arches. I'm also getting them an easel and lots of new arty supplies. I also have plans to make salt dough Christmas tree decorations for everyone as a precursory treat. I'm really looking forward to it this year.

I also have some pre-new years resolutions. I've no excuses any more since I'm 2 months into this 'routine' so I need to be more organised and a little less lazy. Because it's so easy to be lazy and there's so much I want to do.
I need to start getting prepared for growing some yummy fruit and veg in the garden next year.
And remembering the fantastic dinosaur jumpers Grandma made for me and my siblings (and my Mum!) when I was a child, I want to learn to knit.

I'll have to update this with pictures when I get home. I'm still in work and really it's very naughty of me to be doing this...

Unprepared.

It's been a long time since I wrote here which was not my intention when I started it up. In reality the reason is I have been feeling quite down for the last few months. That leads to lethargy and then guilt. Guilt that I'm not doing all I should with the boys. Demotivation. Demotivation to do the house work which is exacerbated by the fact that the house is an absolute tip. Vicious circle. And shouting. Oh how I shout far too much in times like these.

The boys speech has come on so much in the last month. They're still behind for their age I think but I'm so proud of how well they're doing. They have a massive repertoire of words now and, by and large, can communicate most things very well. They're funny and engaging and difficult and wonderful., not to mention incredibly cute.

'Look Mummy, it's my horsie! His name is Donkey'.

They have such distinct personalities and watching them grow and learn new things every day is a constant source of joy and amazement. It's worth all the frustration that comes with having 3 year old twins (and believe me those times are plentiful too!).

Ben loves to copy them. One of their favourite games of the moment is Thundercats (Daddy's influence obviously! Though 80's cartoons are the best...) and they run around waving plastic kitchen utensils and crying 'Thundercats Hooooo!'. Ben chases around after them waving whatever item he can get his hands on and shouting 'oooooooooohhh! ' at the top of his little voice. He's been walking since he turned 9 months and now, at 10 months old, he is so steady and confident on his feet it's unreal. He walks - nay, runs! - everywhere now and crawling is practically obsolete. He can turn, bend over and pick things up and get form a sitting to standing position without needing something to pull up on. Recently he's begun climbing which is a nightmare. Onto the sofa, onto the kitchen table (!!) and out of his highchair. He's such a houdini. It's not safe to leave him anywhere. He's opinionated and demanding and I love him more than I can believe, especially in light of the roller coaster of emotions that was early pregnancy with him. I can't believe he'll be one in 2 months. He's growing up far too fast.

Which brings me to my rock/hard place. I got a job today. It's an excellent opportunity, even if it's nothing like the career I had in mind (and I certainly intend to go back to something like that later). It's a graduate trainee role for a software development company and I start on Monday! I'm so unprepared for this. I don't know whether I was more unprepared for getting the job or for not getting it. But here I am. And I'm dreading it. I have to leave my babies. I"m used to being with them 24/7 and suddenly I'll be missing for a huge chunk of the day. Ben is used to being breastfed on demand! My boobs are used to breastfeeding on demand! I'm sure we'll adjust to feeding when we're together but it's going to be a big shock to the system. For all of us! How am I going to create an acceptable work/family balance? I'm mainly doing it for Ryan. He gave up so much from the day I found out I was expecting the twins. He deserves the chance to achieve what he wants as well and he has worked so hard. Plus we really need the income. Don't get me wrong, a part of me is a little excited. Yes, ideally I would be at home with the boys, full time, until at least school age (which again, ideally I'd like to delay until they're about 7). Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe I'll even enjoy it. At the very least the boys are still going to be in their home environment with a person they know, like and trust. We'll see how it goes. But I'm feeling very weird about it.

I'm going to miss them like crazy. Chances I'll get through the day without crying at least once? Minimal.

I don't want to forget... (a memory bank post)

... the finger people. Jack and Joseph are developing imaginations and starting to role play more. A lot of this seems to involve cars at the moment. They have a variety of little toy cars but no little toy people so they use their fingers as the people. The fingers stomp up and down the tables, across the sofas. They climb into the car and go to the shops. They talk in adorably high pitched voices. It's very entertaining to watch.


... Ben's developing 'language'. I don't seem to have very vocal babies in spite of the fact that myself and my siblings were all very quick developers in this area. Ben is starting to repeat sounds more and more. This morning he was insistently blowing raspberries onto Ryan's knee while he drank his morning coffee. Ryan leaned over, pointed to himself and said 'Da Da'. Ben looked up with a big grin and said very deliberately 'Daaa ... Daaa'. Very cute. He has also imitated me sneezing today. Of course a lot of his communicating still consists of "drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" (that's him rolling his tongue by he way in case that isn't, er, obvious!). Strange child.

A nobel and many splendoured thing.

J and J had just had their morning snack. I nipped upstairs to the bathroom and returned to find Jack surreptitiously helping himself to 'biscuits' (in actual fact they were peppered oat cakes).

'Jack, you just had your snack. Those are Daddy's biscuits.'

Jack looks up at me a little sheepishly.

'Yes. Daddy's biccies. Me sharing Daddy's biccies.'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

All in all though today has been "one of those days". Most communicating (and I'm being very generous here) has been done through whining/crying and even the usually mild mannered Benjamin has been somewhat trying.
Joseph sat quietly and did a jigsaw puzzle all by himself. He was so proud; it was just adorable. It didn't last. He grazed his finger while I was otherwise engaged with washing the dishes and oh! the drama! oh, the pain!

"Mice finger Mummy," he wailed, holding his arm out desperately before me, "Mice finger is SORE".
Two hours later he is still treating it gingerly, wandering around folornly with it held out at an angle.

Well. All is quiet. As for me, I have a phone call to make.

PS: Yes, obviously 'mice' means 'mine'. It's an interesting mispronunciation of theirs, but then they have many.

It's only words...

The concept is probably a bit abstract for a just turned 3 year old - certainly my two anyway - though I don't doubt that the sense of sentiment is real.

Most children have probably said this innumerable times by now. Does it make it more poignant? Less? Who cares.
Tearing himself away from the all encompassing distraction of toy cars a little blonde head comes and leans against my knee. Big blue eyes gaze up at me, blazing sincerity.

"Me luff you, Mummy."

Sun and Soakings

Hot Hot Hot today. For this part of the world anyway. And proof once again, should any more actually be needed, that bbc.co.uk can simply NOT be trusted to give an accurate weather forecast for Northern Ireland. Apparently it's been raining for the last week. In fact it has been humid, sticky and positively sunny for much of the time.

Ryan was in work for 7am which meant he left the house just after 6am. I was woken shortly afterwards to the sound of throaty chuckles from Benjamin as he was entertained by Joseph playing 'peek-a-boo'. Adorable? Sure. At 6.15am on a Sunday? Not so much. Jack arrived shortly afterwards and, though I battled valiantly, it just isn't possible to doze when three small children are rampaging over your bed (and you!). My attempts thwarted we got up got up for breakfast. I think I need retraining as a morning person.

We pottered around for most of the morning and broke up the day with a walk down towards to industrial estate before lunch. I took the buggy as it makes J and J that bit more willing to stay close and Ben was happy enough riding along chewing his toes. At what age are bodies no longer fascinating? Ben can entertain himself with nothing but his extremeties for a good 20 minutes.

We went to Peatlands Park after picking Ryan up at 2.30pm. It's a natural bogland wth lots of nice walks and plants and things and - oh monumentous excitement for 3 year old boys - a narrow gauge railway line. Which unfortunately wasn't running today because the place was so damn busy! Apparently today was national bog day (who knew) and there were lots of events on - crafts, bouncy castles, bog snorkelling (?!) - none of which we had any intention of joining in with since we hadn't brought any money. We steered the boys off towards the quieter wooded walk areas. About 30 minutes in Jack decided he needed to answer a call of nature. Urgently. You know how it is to be three.

"Need wee wee." he announced in matter of fact tones and proceeded to pull down his pants and pee into the shrubbery. Never one to fight peer pressure Joseph followed suit within seconds! All this was much to the amusement of the people passing by. And Ryan. Of course. I think we need to discuss peeing in public some more...